A mix of joy and frustration

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was mixed with so much emotion that I am still trying to work through it. It started out like any other day with a mile run on the treadmill. As I got ready for the day, I was excited for what lay ahead. I would be dropping Emma at school, then dropping Nate at my parent's house, then heading out for some Christmas shopping. If only it had gone that smoothly.

No sooner had I dropped Emma at school than I was in a minor fender bender. We were fine, in fact my car didn't have any damage. But the lady I rear-ended had a cracked bumper. The good thing about the whole situation was that I knew the lady I hit. Her son has been in class with Emma for the past two years, so we have gotten to know each other. She was very gracious about it, even suggesting she was partly to blame because she suddenly braked, which led to me hitting her. I assured her, however, that it was entirely my fault. I had looked down at the exact moment that she stopped.

With that situation dealt with, I headed to Pueblo trying not to let the morning events hamper my excitement. All it took to get back on track was finding some great bargains in the first store I hit. The rest of the day passed without incident, unless, of course, you count all the gifts I was able to cross off my list. It was a great day of shopping!

Once I got home I was hit with some major stress! Mind you, the stress I was enduring was not of my own making. Nor was it even over something worth stressing about (is anything worth it?). It was over a situation that somehow, over the past couple of weeks, has been greatly blown out of proportion. But as I sat fuming and stressing and assessing my frustration, I did not have that perspective. I wanted vindication on the matter. I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be right.

Then Tim came home. As we talked about each of our days, Tim shared how God had answered a prayer of ours that day. A prayer we had been praying for over two years! I was glad, but I wanted to get back to my frustration. I'm ashamed to say, it took quite a long time for me to realize the corrupt state of my heart and repent. It took a gentle rebuke from my husband to remind me of a right (godly) perspective about life. God had anwered our prayer! It was a huge victory, but I let my frustration eclipse the moment.

Before I headed to bed, I knew I needed to pray and ask God to cleanse my heart. In His grace He led me to this verse: "...train yourself to be godly." (1 Timothy 4:7) I was humbled at the thought that godliness (and right responses) don't just happen. In fact, we will default to our fleshly responses of selfishness, pride, etc. when we don't deliberately make a different choice. In order to be godly, we must train ourselves. It takes self discipline. It takes time in the Word and time on our knees.

I am grateful for the discipline of the Lord! He has set my heart right once again. The place I need to be right now is on my knees.