Thursday, February 24, 2011

Wrestling it to the end

I've been wrestling with God this week. Trying to figure out His will for my life...where I stand...what the condition of my heart should be...confessing what the condition of my heart is.

As I wrestled I became accutely aware of two things: God is merciful. And God is gracious. He never got angry with me. In fact, He encouraged me to pour out my heart to Him (Psalm 62:8). I told Him everything...exactly how I felt. Mistrust. Hesitation to submit. Fear. Resentment. Bitterness.

Then the most amazing thing began to happen. I wash flooded with a peace that passes understanding. I felt renewed hope and fresh joy. He reminded me of who I am: His Beloved Child. He lavished me with love. He lifted my head as I bent my knees.

The following words by Francois Fenelon have taught me a new way to pray, and I have read them every day for the past week. I hope they will speak to you about how we can approach the Lord - our God - our Savior.

Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart, its pleasures, and its pains, to a dear friend.

Tell Him your troubles, that He may comfort you; tell Him your joys, that He may sober them; tell Him your longings, that He may purify them; tell Him your dislikes, that He may help you coquer them; talk to Him of your temptations, that He may shield you from them; show Him the wounds of your heart, that He may heal them; lay bare your indifference to good, your depraved tastes for evil, your instability. Tell Him how self-love makes you unjust to others, how vanity tempts you to be insincere, how pride disguises you to yourself and others.

If you thus pour out your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. You will never exhaust the subject. It is continually being renewed. People who have no secrets from each other never want for subject of conversation. They do not weigh their words, for there is nothing to be held back, neither do they seek for something to say. They talk out of the abundance of their heart, without consideration they say just what they think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God.

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