Longing

In my journey through Lent and physical affliction, the Lord has spoken to me about longing. It's not terribly intellectual. It's actually quite simple.

When I came down with my physical affliction, I was no longer able to run. Nor was I able to exercise at all. This was a huge deal for this girl who enjoys exercising and does it 5 or 6 days a week. To go from an almost daily routine of running/exercising to nothing was, to say it lightly, painful.

I'd be in my car driving, and I'd see runners or bikers and this intense longing would come over me. I would long to be in their shoes...literally. One day the Lord spoke very clearly to me... Do you long for me the way you long for exercise? Ouch!!!

I've spent the last week or so wrestling this through. It humbled me to the core because I realized my priorities had gotten way out of whack. As my schedule would grow busy and chaotic, I would let many things slide from my to-do list...but never exercise. It was the one thing I always made time for. I'd rationalize that I was still spending time with God as I prayed throughout my busy day. And I was. But I wasn't pulling my chair up to His table and communing with Him - the very thing He longs for me to do.

Today marks 4 weeks of no exercise, but I am in a much better place mentally and spiritually. Although physically I could start easing back into an exercise routine, I've decided I'm gonna wait this one out. The time I would spend exercising I am now spending with God, asking Him to heal my longings and turn them toward Him and His Word.

And ya wanna know what?! He is changing my heart. My daily prayer has become, "Lord, don't let me be satisfied with just a little of you." And He is being true to His character. He is being faithful.