Firsts and Lasts

Of course I will always remember the first time I held Emma in my arms, but this morning I woke up wishing I could remember the last time.

I heard her run upstairs (well before 6 am) to say goodbye to her Daddy as he left for work. As I heard their muffled voices (so as not to wake Mommy) I pictured Tim holding Emma with her arms tightly wrapped around his neck, and I felt a tinge of jealousy. When was the last time I held her? Will I ever be able to hold her again?

Life is full of firsts and lasts. If we knew about the lasts, would we cherish them more? Like the last time I rocked Emma to sleep? I do remember that one because it was during my pregnancy. Emma had gotten a stomach bug last spring and I rocked her as she drifted in and out of sleep in my arms. It is a precious memory to me...one I will always cherish. I don't know if there will be another one of those times, so I hang on to the memory of that one.

As we prepare for lots of firsts with our new baby, I am a little saddened by all the lasts that have passed with Emma. And yet I am reminded of all the firsts still to come with her ~ losing her first tooth, her first sleep over, her first car, her first day of high school.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could live like so many of the daily things of life are lasts and somehow enjoy them more? And hold them dear instead of resenting them? Like wiping little handprints off the mirror...tripping over crayons and dolls...washing teeny little socks and underwear...finding cookie crumbs on the bed. I don't know how long I will be doing these things, but I hope they don't end any time soon. I'm not ready for them to be lasts.