I may be the only person on the planet who has ever cried while running on the treadmill, but I did it. There...it's out there. I cried after seeing my time on the treadmill.
The problem is I used to be fast. In fact, I was 13 the first time I set a city track record. But life happened, I quit running, I had two kids, I turned 36! I AM as young as I think I am, but my body's not.
The truth is...this whole running business has become a serious issue for me. Why?! I started running 4 months ago while on a road trip. I simply wanted to continue exercising while on vacation, and I thought this would be the easiest way to do it. I never intended to take up a new sport. But I enjoyed running. And I had several friends blogging about their newfound running experiences...so I was inspired.
That led to me signing up for my first 5K to take place in March. I've been excited about it and its given me a goal to work towards. The place where things went haywire was the day I emailed Mendy and Amy and suggested we put together a relay team for the OKC Memorial Marathon (and they said "yes").
For the first time I became anxious and worried and consumed with my running time. Up until last night I had not timed myself, but I felt the need to know how fast (or how slow) I was running. That's when I cried. So right there on the treadmill I decided I needed to get some things straight...with myself and with God.
I accepted the obvious: its been 20+ years since I have run in a race. I had a baby 15 months ago and my recovery was so difficult and slow that I couldn't walk across the room without pain for 4 months!!! I've only been back to running for 4 months...95% of which is on the treadmill because we are in the middle of winter!
Then more importantly, I settled things with God. I decided that I would committ this race and all my workouts to Him. I would do it as a symbol of the freedom I have in Christ: I am free to run! I am free to dance! I am free to live for Him! I am free! I will not run for my own glory, for praise from my team members or friends or family. I will run "unto the Lord." (Colossians 3:23)
This verse has become a daily reminder of truth and focus for me: "...train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." ~ 1 Timothy 4:7-8
Dear Lord, With every step I take may I become more like You. May this training be for godliness. Help me keep a steadfast mind based on truth, for you delight in my faith not my strength. (Psalm 147:10-11). Amen.
P.S. The title of this post came from my favorite running song, "Forward Motion." It's the song I was listening to while having a battle of emotions on the treadmill.